I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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