I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
