You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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