We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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