I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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