I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize