okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
