i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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