He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
