the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just forgot I was standing up.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
