I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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