we have pet lesbian snakes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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