i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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