please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
