so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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