just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
