If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
