if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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