From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
