what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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