i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
