I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
