I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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