What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
