I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
