Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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