Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
