I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
