My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
