He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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