You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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