the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
