Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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