The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
