My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
