At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
