At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
