i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
