I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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