I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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