The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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