so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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