his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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