I have demons in me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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