i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
