I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
