I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
