The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
