Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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