Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
