mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
