dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
