If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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