he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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