Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
