Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
