So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
