Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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