Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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