Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
