Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
