dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
