in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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