Welp...herpes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
