I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
COCAINE IS GR8
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize