I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
