so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize