just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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