Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
