and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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